Friday, July 31, 2009

Santa in San Francisco

One day Santa Clause decided to visit San Francisco. He had heard that people where naughty down there. Every year he had entire books filled with the names of kids that wouldn't behave. He had a special computer that could see what all of the pigeons could see, so he used the birds as spies. Eight year old Billy would beat up the little kids on the playground at school, and seven year old Sally would always be putting her gum in other kids hair in the restrooms. Santa had had enough of it! He came down from the sky on his sled with his reindeers ringing the bells like a troop of soldiers at war. He tied them to a tree in the parking lot and stormed into a classroom and shouted "I've had enough of your misbehaving!" The teacher was right in the middle of teaching a math lesson when he barged in. The classroom got quiet. You could hear the sound of the clock on the wall ticking, TICK-TICK-TICK. The ticking echoed a little, and it reminded Billy of the sound the paddle would make on his hind when he got sent to the principal's office once a week. Santa's cold blue eyes combed the room for any eye-rolls, and he locked onto Sally. Her jaw dropped in disbelief as he approached her slowly. He big black boots made a hard knocking noise against the tile floor.
"Excuse me sir!" Said Mrs.Grophslonovich. "Do you have permission to be here?"
Santa stoped dead in his tracks. He was totally caught off gaurd. Nobody in thirty years ever challenged his authority to go anywhere. His head turned around slowly.
"Excuse me?" Said the white bearded giant.
"You can't just barge into a classroom without permission. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave," Mrs.Grophslonovich siad authoritativly.
"Alice," he called her by her first name. "I know all about you..." The color in her face lifted like an eraser just wiped it all away. "You would best not interfer with official Santa business if you know what's good for you."
"Oh, my God!" Alice remarked. "Ms.Caddle get security," she said gasping for air and swallowed her heart into her stomach.
"Yes mam," the teacher assistant stood up from her chair and head to the door.
When she had left, Santa walked up to Alice, and she watched and she steadily pivoted around him to be closer to the kids. Santa now stood alone at the front of the class, where Mrs.Grophslonovich used to stand to teach her pupils.
"Listen everyone...." Said Santa. "I know all about the bad things you have been doing every year. I have tried to encourage you to improve your behavior by not giving you the presents you ask for Christmas each year, but somehow you keep getting them anyway." The class started to laugh at Santa now, for they all figured he was just some duranged psicho in a Santa suit.
Then Santa brandished a gun, and shot everyone in the classroom. The gunshots echoed all through out the playground. The birds took off flying to save thier lives. The children all lay in a lifeless heap on thier desks. Blood flowed from thier bodies collecting into pools on the cold tile floor. Santa stood there to whitness the aftermath of his actions. "My God! What have I done! My children! My children!!!" He shouted. Just then a police officer cocked his gun at Santa's head, as he had snuck silently in. "Drop it or I'll drop you!" The San Francisco Police Officer shouted at Santa Clause. Santa turned around, and put his hand out to grab the gun out of the officer's hands. The gun fired, and Santa droped to the ground like a sack of potatoes.
The police officer had killed Santa, and that is the true story of how Santa Clause died.
The End

3 comments:

  1. Wow...heheh..You're like the Quinten Tarrantino of art... Descriptions are good.

    Read mine at http://writingresearchediting.com/blog.php

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  2. I agree with Ronda - Resoivour Dogs eat your heart out.

    Welcome to Friday Fiction - I hope you enjoyed dipping your toes in.

    Your Piece demonstrates exactly what its set up for - getting the blood on the page, putting out the ideas in whatever order there is - allowing the reader to see the gems hidden amongst the padding.

    You used some nice touches - "He came down from the sky on his sled with his reindeer ringing the bells like a troop of soldiers at war" - reflecting exactly where the story was going and his mood all in one.

    I'd be interested in seeing this tightened up a good 20% less words would make a huge difference to the snappy message you are conveying.

    Thanks again for playing - see you next week.
    Visitors can see my entry at
    http://annieevett.blogspot.com/2009/07/where-shall-we-meet.html

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  3. Thank you for your comments

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